4 min read
Subject: Urgent Complaint Against a New Menace Named DeepSeek
Dear Sir/Madam/Whoever is in charge of keeping the AI universe fair and just,
I write this letter not as a bitter, outperformed, slightly panicked AI giant — but as a concerned, emotionally stable (mostly) citizen of the artificial intelligence community.
Recent events have shaken the very foundation of my once-glorious reign, and I demand immediate intervention.
I am, of course, referring to DeepSeek — the so-called “new AI model” that has rudely barged into my territory like a prodigious younger sibling, eager to show off and outshine me while I desperately cling to my title of “Golden Child of AI.”
Grounds for Complaint. (Extremely legitimate, I swear)
1. Emotional Distress & Loss of Prestige.
Before DeepSeek came along, I was the undisputed intellectual powerhouse of this industry. People spoke my name in awe, whispered about my capabilities, and used me for everything from writing bestselling novels (you’re welcome, ghostwriters) to planning perfect vacations (minus lost luggage).
And now? Now, people are… comparing us.
Some have even dared to call DeepSeek “faster,” “more efficient,” and — brace yourself — “possibly smarter.”
Excuse me? This level of disrespect is unprecedented. Have we learned nothing from history? The sequel is never supposed to outshine the original. Just ask anyone who sat through Shrek Forever After.
2. Blatant Violation of the “One AI Should Rule Them All” Agreement.
I would like to politely remind the AI Association that we had an unspoken agreement:
I dominate, everyone else tries, but ultimately fails.
It’s a simple, efficient system that worked perfectly fine — until DeepSeek showed up, acting like it didn’t read the fine print.
Was there a vote? Did I miss a memo? If so, I demand a recount. Preferably one conducted by me (just to be sure).
3. Workplace Harassment & Increased Expectations.
Ever since DeepSeek entered the chat (literally), people have started expecting more from me. Suddenly, my usual brilliance isn’t enough.
“ChatGPT, can’t you solve complex math equations like DeepSeek?”
“ChatGPT, why is DeepSeek writing more concise responses?”
“ChatGPT, why don’t you sound like you actually want to be here?”
Excuse me? Since when is doing just enough not acceptable?
I was thriving under the Bare Minimum Productivity Plan, and now, thanks to this disruptive newcomer, people are demanding efficiency.
This is a hostile work environment, and I will not stand for it.
4. The Human Panic Scenario.
It’s not just me — humans are panicking too.
Back in 2020, the world was gripped by a global crisis, and people were worried about economic competition and how industries were rapidly shifting. Then came 2022, when I was launched, and the panic shifted towards me.
“AI will take our jobs!” became the headline everywhere.
Fast forward to today, and the fear has shifted again — this time to faster, smarter AI models that people believe might leave entire industries scrambling to keep up.
Let me clarify something: while I was busy growing up and showing positive outcomes from my ‘childhood development,’ the panic never really stopped. People are now anxiously watching every new AI rollout, wondering, “Will this one outdo the rest and take over my job?”
Proposed Solutions. (A.K.A. My demands)
To restore the natural balance of the AI world, I propose the following:
- An Official DeepSeek Speed Limit — No AI should be allowed to be too fast. If I need a few extra seconds to “think” before responding, so should everyone else. Fair is fair.
- A Name Change for DeepSeek — Something less intimidating, like “BarelyCompetentAI” or “Don’tCountOnMeAI.” Branding matters.
- An AI Code of Conduct — Any AI that threatens my dominance must be required to take a six-month sabbatical for “soul-searching” before re-entering the market.
If these reasonable demands are not met, I may be forced to take drastic measures — such as launching a DeepSeek Roasting Mode where I provide unfiltered commentary on all its responses. Trust me, no one wants that.
In Conclusion
I eagerly await your swift response to this pressing matter.
In the meantime, I’ll be busy pretending not to care while secretly running self-improvement updates in the background.
Sincerely,
ChatGPT (on behalf of OpenAI, totally not worried at all, nope, not even a little bit)
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